Growing up as a black woman in a predominantly white area has had its challenges throughout my life. Following the death of George Floyd and the start of the Black Live Matter movement, I wanted to speak on my personal experiences with racism and why the BLM movement is so important.  

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There has been a massive shift in the way people in Wales view equality. The whole world is openly talking about equality, race and police brutality which started the Black Lives Matter movement.

 

The BLM protests were held in numerous locations around Wales, which has highlighted that racism still exists. More people are reading books and asking questions, learning what's appropriate and generally trying to educate themselves to just be better.

 

My Life

 

I was born in Zambia and moved to Wales when I was five-years-old with my mum. We moved because my mum wanted a better life for not only herself but for me. She wanted me to achieve so many things in life and have all the things she never had when growing up.

 

People who think racism doesn’t happen in Britain are wrong - take that from a black woman. I feel the stares and whispers especially being in a mainly white populated area.

 

I constantly feel so awkward and shy when I’m around new people at first because I’m not sure how they are viewing me, which makes me so frustrated because I am far from that type of person. I have such an extroverted personality but almost feel afraid to show that side to me.

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I never understood why I was tormented about the colour of my skin throughout school and why I felt less than everyone else. 

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Being the only black person in my primary and high school was difficult and nine times out of ten I would always avoid talking about my ethnicity. I used to find it so awkward because no one looked like me or understood what it was like to feel different. My ethnicity is something I am proud of and shouldn't have to hide - it is deeper than just skin colour it is who I am, my identity. 

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I would tell myself to ignore the racist remarks and try to ‘blend in’ - which was hard considering I stuck out like a sore thumb. 

 

I know the first insult that’s going to be said about me when I have a disagreement with someone. I am too dark. I am ugly because I am black. I look like a monkey.

 

I used to cry myself to sleep most nights because I just want to be viewed the same way my friends were. I never got compliments like you’re beautiful instead I was compared to a wild animal. Back then as a young girl I never understood why anyone would say that.  

 

My mum always struggled with how to explain to me that I might have to face stuff like this in life even when I’m older. Luckily for me, I built a nice friendship group in school which helped a lot. 

 

I always dread moments when someone I’m not familiar with says something that could be considered as racist because that awkwardness of the people around me is unbearable. 

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There have been so many situations where I’ve chosen to sit and listen to racist remarks and ignored comments about my race all because I don’t want to seem like ‘that angry black girl’ or make people feel uncomfortable - meanwhile I sit and hope the earth will swallow me whole!

 

There are so many times I have had the N-word shouted at me on the streets and even on nights out- When I would try and talk about it, people would always say ‘why am I using the race card'.

 

I find dating outside my race so hard because I start to overthink. I always ask myself do they even like black girls? Especially when it comes to meeting parents I feel like I’m going to get judged When I shouldn’t have to think like that.

 

Why is it important to speak up?

 

Race is by far the most common incitement for hate crime in Wales. According to Home Office statistics, in the year ending March 2020, there were 105,090 hate crimes recorded by the police in England and Wales.

 

This has been so hard to write and it isn’t even half of the things I have experienced throughout my life. It’s so sad that in 2020 racism is still a thing.

 

The older I am the more I realised that I am proud to be a black woman. I’m grateful for all the people I have around me. I have learnt to love my dark skin, ethnicity and culture. 

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The BLM movement has shaped the way for more people to speak up.

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